Letters to Natalie- 23 Months

Another Letter to Nat, So, again TW- Its a letter to my bestfriend who happens to have passed away, so it may be sad in places.

Dear Nat,

Today, It’s 23 months since that day.

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I miss you more and more.

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Its almost 2 years. 2 YEARS!?!?! How the flipping fluffballs is that even possible.

I wish you were here to share my life with again. When things happen, I cant help but want you there for it! I think thats another reason why I write these letters! To share every little thing I want with you. To show you and tell you about each thing that happens. Thats why these letters have snippets of my life in, So you can still be a part of EVERYTHING.

I went to tulleys fright night thing with Jack and Titch and co.  You would’ve found it so funny. I wish you could have met them. You’d love them.
I could not ask for better bestfriends. They’re there for me no matter what. I know you’d love them just for that!!!

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Today, As I sit in my PJs recovering from last night, I’m sat with my headphones on, playing all our songs, and all the songs that make me think of you.

I miss you so much Natalie.

I couldn’t have ever thought when you first moved in that we’d have ended up that close.
You’re my bestfriend.

My Hero.

Do you remember that first day when we sat together, just you and Me?
I was awkward as f*ck, and we sat in silence for like 10 minutes…
And then you slapped me and said “dont be so f*cking awkward!”.
And that was the start of our beautiful friendship haha!

You changed me in so many ways- all good I must quickly add!
I am so proud to say I’m your LanaLoo!
I’m Natalie’s LanaLoo.

I wish you could be with me again to hold my hand.

To this day, you’re still the first one I speak to you about everything! I carry your picture everywhere.
I can’t sleep without having a picture of you near me. Stupid, I know, but It just helps sometimes.

I wish we got to watch moulin rouge together. I don’t even know if you ever saw it! I think  You would’ve loved it if you did. Its amazing.

So much is happening in my life at the moment, I just want to go back to two years ago and have a NatNat hug, hold your hand and get your advice. I just want to cry next to you again like that day in the summer. I just want You again. So much is happening: College, health stuff, UCAS applications, family stuff, friend stuff, and just drama after drama. Sometimes I want to timetravel. I’d go through all the shit again if I could have one last day with you.

It’s not ALL bad at the moment though. Theres some positives! Like Dexter! Es and Nin love him Nat. They’ve got sooo big! You’d be so proud of them!

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And then theres Luna. My Beautiful Luna. You’d love her too. She reminds me of you at times, as does Jack and Titch to be fair, they all remind me of you in different ways. They’re all amazing.
They have to be to put up with me, I know!
I wasn’t going to post this picture anywhere, I wasnt feeling well that day (and look like crap) BUT actually, It makes me happy. And I know you would love it.
Knowing you, you would’ve got in the picture with us.
I love my Luna. I know you wouldve too.

I’ll always be thankful to have her, and Jack and Titch in my life. Theyre amazing and they dont even see it.

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I’ll never be able to express how thankful I am to have had the time we had together Natalie.
I love you.

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Do you remember my prom, when you waved me off? How happy we all were. How you said you were so proud of me, And that you loved me more than vodka and chocolate.

Its still strange not to text you each day. I don’t really text a lot of people now. I tend to facebook message. I text certain people though…
But I wish I could text you and call you …
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I love you Natalie, for always and for ever.

LanaLoo xxx

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About The Inconsiderate Cripple

Hi there, I'm the inconsiderate cripple. Welcome to the world through my eyes. I'm Lana, a 19 year old crazy person with chronic illness/disability living for the moment. my blogs a bit weird, a bit 'out there' and a bit well... me. Welcome and Hopefully - You'll stay with me on this journey!
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