Third Installment of Story time with Lana is a bit different this time.
I wanted to share a few of my memories with you this week from a while back. Advance trigger warning though – I talk about a car crash, and mental health.
First off, I’ve been writing more of my book, and I’ve been building up a gallery like thing for it (it sounds crap, but it makes sense to me ok!? ahaha).
I found this picture.
It was my 7th birthday. My parents and I went to France with my ‘Nanny Margaret’ (Shes my Dads god-mum, but I’ve always known her as my nanny Margaret, as my Nan Jenny (my dads mum) passed away 2 years before I came along ).
It’s really funny because I remember that holiday soooo clearly, like it was a day ago, not 12 years. Jeez. 12 years. Where is this time going?!? You know what else is funny? I know what that birthday wish was, and why my eyes were tightly shut, why I sat there puffing with all my might, wishing, hoping, maybe even praying for that wish to come true. Its just a shame that the wish didn’t come true.
It’s always so funny to look back in time at photos of me at a younger age,before my illness became ‘an issue’. You can see the obvious hypermobility in my legs, which we know now to be my Ehlers Danlos.
I remember those SHOES too! Back in the days where I could wear sandals and ‘pretty’ shoes before my feet became bigger than a mountain trolls and my ankles requiring ‘constant and consistent support’ as a physio once so poetically put it.
I’ve always been a Hat Girl as you can see!
Theres a bitter sweet feeling to this picture. It gives me shivers.
Yes, I’m happy and ‘healthy’ and a seemingly normal kid in this picture, but thats not why it makes me cold.
You see our beautiful purple car I nicknamed Rosie?
Not a year after this picture was taken on my mums 40th birthday, My dad and I were involved in an accident where someone drove in to the back of us, and drove off.
Without wanting to upset anyone, we were told by the police that if I had been sitting behind my dad (i.e.had I sat drivers side)… I would not be here today, writing this blog post.
The car was a write off.
We got a new car.
Neither me or my father were physically injured.
However, mentally?For years and years I blamed myself. I wanted dad to come home and get me so I could choose the birthday cake for mum, if dad had got the cake for me, we wouldnt have had the crash because we wouldnt have been there. It haunted me. Lets just say, Its only 12 years later that I realise that its not my fault that it happened. It was the fault of the driver of the car that went in to the back of us. We were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Its only 12 years later that I can drive on and past that roundabout, breathing normally, eyes open, as relaxed as I can manage (im working on it) and without gripping the side of the car. – But all of this can be and will be talked about on my blog another time.
Going back to my nanny Margaret. I havent seen her in person for a very VERY long time. I really want to go and see her soon, but before I go and see her, I need to write to her and tell her a bit about my health. I think the poor woman would get the shock of her life if I turned up, and dislocated or seizured in her living room with out first preparing her and telling her the bits she doesnt know. I’ve put it off for so long, but I just dont know what to say or how to say it. Any help would be very much appreciated!
I think thats it for this story time with lana.