In one post, I’m going to try and take you on a very honest journey. Good luck.
Firstly, Lets not beat about the bush. I’ve always been fat.
I was constantly bullied about my weight from a young age – and not just bullied by other children either, but that is a story for another day.
It got me down, but I became your “stereotypical jolly fat person” for want of better words.
Something happened in 2007/8 that I don’t want to write on here – you’ll just have to wait for my book for that event ;). But the results of this ‘event’,and the increasing weight that just seemed to pile on me, meant that something flipped in my head and I hated myself. I hated my body, and I repulsed myself. Unfortunately I didnt go about things the right way, and I developed a kind of eating disorder that meant that its only in the past 2, 3 years that I can actually honestly say that I am starting to get better at eating in front of people- this was difficult before. I kept it all bottled inside for years and years and suddenly I blurted it all out to mum, all the hidden feelings, all the hurt everything in about one sentence, and – mum if you’re reading this I’m still sorry to this day- I literally sprung it on her. I don’t know if it was shock or what but she didn’t take it very well. We talked about it a while after and I think we can both agree that I’m getting a BIT better at talking about stuff! bar my wobbly morning yesterday?!
Anyway- I am a lot better now than I was back then.
I have also lost a heck of a lot of weight. I’ve lost trackof numbers – and no it is not ‘intentional weight loss’ but – again, its a long story.
It feels surprisingly good to look back now.
I feel like now, I actually embrace my ‘wobbly bits’ more than I ever did before.
Its sad that I hated myself for that long actually. I hope that by the end of this post, others like me from that time, can see that although the journey is long – I mean im still ON This Journey- but you’re never alone- and please dont ever hate yourself.
As mine and mums song says- Things Can Only Get Better.
I dont hate myself anymore. I hate parts of myself- like my feet and my illnesses! But myself as a whole? I dont hate it anymore. I’m on the path to maybe even loving myself. – in a good way not a self-centered mean girl bitch kind of way obviously.
I thought that these pictures show my “transformation” better than any words will.
(^ end of 2015)
Feels good knowing how far I’ve come
Onwards and upwards though!
Laters Gaters – Lana Loo xxx