A year ago on the 7th July I had my first ‘official’ seizure. Its complicated – too complicated to type at night and after a busy day. But my ‘blackouts’ and ‘seizures’ are different. It turns out they think that I have 4 or more causes to my seizures now – although noone knows 100% either way. argh.
A year ago, things were pretty shit.
Last Year, on the 28th of June 2015, I had a bit of a drama in tesco. I had multiple blackouts (which we know know weren’t blackouts- but were seizures) with abdo pain, chest pain and I just didnt feel well AT ALL. Long story short I was taken to east surrey Via ambulance from tesco. Gave everyone, my parents, fellow shoppers and the staff, a fright! Cant fault the staff there, they were amazing – some of the members of the public were just horrible though. Dad had to record me for “evidence” (neuro drs orders) and when watching it back we could hear members of the public say that I was in the way and that I should be moved because im in a bad position because they wanted the cakes by my head… and you can actually see peoples hands reach across the camera to get to the cakes whilst tutting… Fabulous world we live in. ANYWAY – when at hospital after a few hours I was discharged after pain meds were given and “appt advice” was given…
Then, I spent the next week recovering from that drama…
The next monday – which was the 6th July, I went to college. All was okay. I wasn’t 100% in my english class (Karens Lesson) so I sat outside for a bit, but other than that- I was alright! Then I got home…. And BLACKED OUT INTO OUR WHEELIE BINS. Again, long story short the bins crushed me. And I ended up taking myself to crawley hospital on crutches to sort out my ankle- which turned out to be dislocated. FABULOUS!
I took the next day ( 7th July) off college to “rest”. Although anyone who knows me knows that I do NOT do resting. I spent the day doing college work and writing more of my book! But I did try to “chill” like the doctor said. Mum came home and we got LexiLoops to stay for her sleepover as planned (we organised this in advance and I was feeling okay, so We carried on!)…
I remember this day like it was just a moment ago, not 1 year ago.
Uli was away so mum went to sort out Ulis animals. It was just me and the dog. I sat on the stairs chilling as Lexi was acting funny. Then all of a sudden, she pushed her way passed me up the stairs and got behind my back, pushing me off the stairs! She got me on the floor, I had a warning pain, which lead to a bog standard uneventful blackout, came back round, lex was licking my face, all was normal, and I got up and carried on as normal.
Mum came back, I told her what happened and all was well, lexi was loving the praise- and was such a good girl.
Then at around 2115ish, I was in the Dining Room on the computer, Lex and Mum were chilling in the living room…
All of a sudden, out of nowhere Lexi started barking and properly getting in mums face, and then ran to where I was, barked at me and ran back to mum.
With what happened earlier in the evening in my mind, I took myself round to them, and sat on the floor, just by solid wooden cupboards, in hind sight this was NOT the best plan.
Lexi then came bounding over, and took my wrist in her mouth, trying to drag me on the floor to the other side of the room. When this didnt work she started to bite me and scratch at me. I couldn’t work out why she was doing this as I was feeling fine.
So I asked mum to take lexi out because I just couldnt cope with her being like that when I didn’t know why.
The next bit is still a bit of a blur.
One moment I was sitting on the sofa. The next I was on the floor with my trapped between the solid wooden cupboards and our sofa, feeling like my body had been hit by a truck or something dramatic, like I had been torn into seperate parts. My head felt like it was on fire and my abdo pain had come back. I was confused. I knew it wasn’t a normal blackout. But the most upsetting part of it all was that I had pee’d myself which I just didnt do with my blackouts.
I also realised my head felt like it had been hit, I was very distressed and not myself at all.
I sat there, in tears, not knowing what was going on, thinking “what the f*ck was that, that can’t have been a blackout”.
I couldn’t even get myself up off the floor.
I was just sitting in a puddle of my own pee.
I remember trying to ring mums phone but she had left it here.
She came back with lex to find me on the floor, crying my eyes out.
Lexi was again all over me, trying to stop me from crying. (shes still amazing a year on can I just add!)
Mum took Lexi home, and when she came back, she kept asking me what I wanted her to do. She kept saying to me “Lana I wish you didn’t tell me to leave the house with Lexi!’
I kept apologising to her. I kept saying “I don’t know anymore”.
The tears kept coming.
I was in a right state.
Mum decided to Call Mandy to sit me whilst mum called the ambulance.
So my poor Mandymoo sat next to a rather un- lanaloolike me, whilst mum spoke to the 999 person on the phone and tried to explain stuff, all whilst sorting out my stuff to take with us.
I remember just sitting there in my own pee, thinking “I don’t know how much more I can cope with anymore”.
Then I looked up and spotted Our shelf which has a copy of Natalie’s order of service on it.
I saw Nat’s face and then I kind of snapped out of that whole, “I hate my life” thing.
I remember even now that at that moment- the only thing I wanted was Nat. I wanted to be able to have her telling me it was all going to be okay. It was stupid because
I had my mum and mandy with me, but in that moment… I just really really missed her.
The first respondent paramedic arrived. His name was Daren – He was lovely. Unfortunately for him, at this point I was irritable, argumentative and confused. I couldn’t say my own name properly and It took me forever to recall my date of birth which wasn’t like me at all. I then argued over the paramedic bloke telling me my blood sugar levels were way too low (which wasn’t good as I hadn’t long eaten my dinner!) And he told me I needed to eat biscuits. Big no no for me then, as I had already eaten and didn’t want to eat again. I remember even now that he opened up the biscuits in such a way that he almost threw the biscuits in the air and there were crumbs everywhere.
At this point I couldnt move still, and so I still sat there in my own pee.
I was meant to be eating biscuits to boost my sugars… instead I sat arguing at mum, mandy and daren (who was also eating biscuits and drinking a hot beverage- we make sure we look after our emergency service people in this family thankyou very much! ).
then the ambulance crew themselves turned up and took me to East Surrey where they kept for a while for obs and monitoring, then Fast forward to 0430 and we were discharged with pain relief… And told that I was right – it wasn’t a blackout…
But in fact a seizure. A “bad” one (which bugs me a year later because NO Seizure is GOOD?!?!). I also had severe concussion which was fun.
I couldnt fault the Paramedic Team that night (Daren, Roger and Aleks). They were amazing.
All in All it was a very VERY scary, eventful night.
The thing is – a year later and life is even scarier!
BUT we have some answers now which is more than I did a year ago, so thats got to be a good thing right?
A year ago, this beautiful lump tried to help me. A year on,and I still lover her to bits
isnt she gorgeous?
Life is so strange at times. I still stand by my philosophy of All Things Happen For A REASON!