Letters To Natalie – It Feels Strange.

Dear Nat,

I haven’t written on your facebook or written letters on here to you for a while. Its not that I’ve forgotten to or anything. I’ve still been writing them, just not doing anything with them. Its like the letters I used to write to you towards the end. I’d read some of them to you, the rest I’d keep to myself.

I’ll put them in my book If I ever get round to finishing it- or most importantly working out what to do with the bloody book.

Everything seems so strange at the moment. I have pink hair still, its staying pink for now. I’m keeping it pink until October at least… Unless I go back to purple after the wedding… but I honestly cannot decide.

I miss you. I know I say that all the time, but its true. “I MISS YOU” seems like the wrong word sometimes. There is no word for what it feels like to not have you here.

3 years ago tomorrow I “enrolled” you as a guide in your living room.

Tomorrow, its dexters 1st birthday.

It still feels so surreal you know.

How the bloody hell is it 3 years.

argh. rawwrrrrr meh ATGINGPIGNAPGIKNWPGNAPGKIWNGIPGNIAEGINEPAHINEHPiephqaephiaq!

It would be so much easier if you were here again to talk to. Sometimes I just want a nat hug again. Its almost 3 years, and I STILL feel lost at 8 am because I still feel like I should be texting you “Good Morning Beautiful, I love you xxx ❤ “.

You’re my bestfriend – nothing will ever change that.  I wish you were here to meet the others. You’d have loved My sister, Jackyboy, Luna, Titch and all the “gang”. I can just see it, all of us chilling – putting the world to rights. Laughing and joking.

I make a banging cheesecake now you know. You’d have loved that too. Its chocolate- ofcourse.  I apparently cant make trifle anymore though…  I bet you sat up there peeing your pants about that incident the other day and my reaction.

Something super exciting is happening today. You’d be jealous again, and probably moan that you want one… But you would also want to be the first person to see it.

Nat so much is happening, and sometimes I lose the plot, and lose sight of whats important. Things can be scary at times.

With each thing that happens, I make sure I wear my natnat necklace. It calms me down sometimes. Silly isn’t it.

In just over a week something extremely exciting is going to be happening. I wish you could’ve met her too you know. I think you would’ve got on well.

I haven’t had a woowoo in a month. I think this week I’ll be having one or two… its been a mental few weeks.

I’m loving this newly found independence ive got on Edina- I know you would’ve loved trying her out too.

I miss you so much.
I love you forever and for always.

Your lanaloo xxx

 

 

 

 

 

 

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About The Inconsiderate Cripple

Hi there, I'm the inconsiderate cripple. Welcome to the world through my eyes. I'm Lana, a 20 year old crazy person with chronic illness/disability living for the moment. my blogs a bit weird, a bit 'out there' and a bit well... me. Welcome and Hopefully - You'll stay with me on this journey!
This entry was posted in Chronic Illness, ehlers danlos, Health, personal blog, Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Letters To Natalie – It Feels Strange.

  1. ladytappe says:

    Has Natalie gone on? The pain of her absence in your writing is heart wrenching. Has Natalie passed on? Such a beautiful letter to a beloved friend ♡

    Like

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