As most of you know, my friend faith passed away in this year. Her letter to me can be read here (The Strangest Post I’ll ever do. )
Her funeral was… very much what she wanted. She had planned the day herself, and we followed her wishes.
Her music included the Macarena, Faith, Sex Bomb and Kiss. Her hearse was a motorbike and side car. I wore my flamingo hat, and my “pink pj top” and white denim jacket as per her instructions. Her cousin wore her tiger onesie. Her parents, brother and very close family all followed their instructions as to what to wear too.
This is what I was made to read at faiths funeral. She wrote itself before she died, 4 of us had different variations of the same letter and muggins here was the one who ended up reading it. Her mum suggested I put it on here, so that’s what I’ve done. here goes.
Hello people that are still living this is written by the girl in the coffin in the front. Cant miss me there should be a giant zebra toy on top.
And if this version is being read out, its being read by one of my bestfriends in the entire universe, Beanie other wise known as Lana – the girl standing in front of you in pink and wearing a flamingo hat. – which are my wishes.
It also means my mum and co cant read out what i asked them too which means theyre struggling so please be nice to them.
Lanas got this shit covered though so im not worried shes a good public speaker.
Now, i assume the vicar will say all the usual stuff about me such as when i was born and where i went to school etc etc etc etc blah blah blah blah BLAH BORING You didnt know me really!
The ones that knew me are my parents, godparents, my beanie, my cousin jonny, and the zebras from our little group.
The rest of you are probably already muttering what the fuck are we at the wrong funeral under your breath, as my hearse was a motorbike and sidecar, weve had the macarena as an entrance, theres a sign up which says theres no programme of order or whatever its bloody called because its a waste of trees and #faithy aint a tree murderer and now we’ve got a flamingo girl reading out a letter from the dead girl in the coffin.
See most of you knew the boring rude slightly depressing reclusive Faith Valentina Maria Sally-Anne Grace .
Yeah mum and dad cheers for giving me more names than royalty.
But really if you REALLY took the time to get to know me youd have known faith the great big gay disabled comedian.
With lots of sass and lots of sarcasm and lots of laughter.
I was depressed and my brain could be a mental shit tip. but i was also so much more.
Most of you boring bastards are religious to the bones and happen to have the personality of a wet sock, i however am not.
Despite my name i do not feel like i have a faith.
So excuse me but i refuse to have a hymm.
Instead im having a song played after this which will probably make my mother, auntie marlene, Lana and Jonny laugh so much they will cry because of the memories.
That and the faces of the rest of you will be comical.
Its strange to think ill be dead when this is being read to you.
Ive made the decision to take control of whats going on. And i know a lot of you will never approve but its my choice and my decision. I cant cope with The pain like others can. My body and my brain is trapped in a living hell. My soul wants to break free.
I dont know whats next but whatever is next ill see my loved ones again one day i know i will.
Mummy and Daddy I love you and im sorry youre having to have to do this today.
Auntie marley, Uncle Pete, Auntie Lillian and uncle richard. I love you and thank you.
Beanie what can i say that i havent already covered in a letter. Aside from see you later bitch.
Jonny im sorry i never called you by your Real name of journey grace. But quite frankly you suit jonny better and your parents mustve been on crack when they named you. I love you always and i meant what i said about the tattoo in your letter.
Zebras – i hope the skype link is set up and youre watching this. Thank you – now look after beanie and look after each other.
James, if youre here I forgive you. Now dont be a shit son step up please. They need you.
Everyone else. You didnt do much for me but nows the chance to put shit right and be there for my family.
Look dont be sad. Im free.
Now enjoy the music, enjoy the boring shit that the vicar will say about me.
Over and out mother fuckers