so if you haven’t read the first post – have a read here.
NOTE: I have full permission from mel, dusty, the vicar clifford, and all involved to talk about this on my blog.
This post is about Tethers.
‘Tethers?! What in the world is tethers and what has it got to do with exploring faith’ I hear you scream?
In that first post, I spoke about the fact I had a discussion in a church the other day where the Vicar (STILL Not sure if he was a vicar, as When I spoke to him on the phone this morning he said he didnt mind what i called him on my blog, I can just call him Clifford if I wish and I have his full permission to talk about what we spoke about- so I still dont know what his title is).
The reason for going to his church was that My Friends Mel and Dusty (his names doug, but i call him Dusty) are having their 4 children christened, and have asked me to be godmother to all 4 children.
We attended the church to discuss the christening – a meeting that originally was meant to just be for Mel and Dusty, but unfortunately he wasn’t well enough to attend, so I attended instead.
A meeting which was meant to be about the kids being christened turned in to a discussion between us all about our own faiths and about what it meant to be religious.
We spent an hour talking about this and it fascinated me. Clifford didnt try and answer impossible questions, he didnt try and force his religious views on us like i had experienced a few times before, he just spoke to us about his own beliefs and asked about ours.
Then we eventually got around to talking about the kids and about the 9 godparents she and dusty have chosen (and yes mel did make me cry when she explained to Clifford why she wanted me to be a godmother to her 4 children).
She then happened to say that her brother in law wasnt happy about not being a Godparent. But she didnt want their siblings to be godparents as they were already important enough as aunt and uncle.
He then said he completley agrees.
Now before I go on, He had said at the start of the meeting that some people say he is a controversial vicar. that he isnt your “Normal” man of cloth.
And this was the point I realised he was right BUT that i loved him all the more for it.
He said he agrees and to think of it like this.
He used mels eldest son as an example.
He said to think of said son as stood with one balloon in his hand for every person in his life.
Then to add another balloon for every tether – a tether being another title. so his grandmother isnt just a person in his life, shes his grandmother so thats two tethers. His uncle is his uncle, so thats two. ETC ETC.
Then he said “so lana is your bestfriend. She has one tether for being your best friend, and another for being his godmother. Thats two tethers. If you made Doug’s Brother a godfather, he would then have 3 tethers, thats then unbalanced. Its too many balloons. Too much energy if you like. he’ll fly away or most likely in context to the situation the child will be put in the middle of a family battle. Also if you have dougs older brother as a godfather, you would then feel like you have to have his younger brother, and his sister and maybe even their spouses, and your siblings too. Thats then 10 other people with more tethers. Although its a nice sentiment, they already have a role. I see so many families come back to talk and pray for family disputes, and many times its because the balance, the number of tethers are too many. Keep it to unroled family members and friends. thats the key here. Its all love and its all support and above all else its the beginning of the childs journey in their faith. It should not be about who is a godmother or not. it should be about creating a wider support system for that child to help it along its journey. I often actually encourage people to chose friends and alternative family members to siblings if possible. as it can be very complicated.”
And I’m not saying I 100% understood or agreed in everything he said, but It did make sense with me about balancing the tethers. Balancing the roles out.
I looked at my own godparents and if you dont know me personally, my 6 godparents were 6 of my parents closest friends. unfortunately circumstances mean that I dont really see 2 of my godparents who moved away, and one woman I have no memory of whatsover, but I have a really good relationship with my godfather Rob (aka my uncle rob absolute legend, and his wife although not officially my godmother because they god married years later, i always include in saying shes my unofficial godmother – aka my auntie Sarah) and my other 2 godparents , my lovely godmother Rita and godfather Paul (aka auntie rita and uncle paul) sadly passed away but I have a very good relationship with their daughter, who I call my auntie sue, and i have spoken about before on here when she got married, and ofcourse their grandaughter is Demi, my Rolo (Again have included her before too 😉 )
Although they have become a part of my family, none of the 6 are actually relatives.
And actually im glad in a way. Because like my parents have said before, and like the vicar Clifford said above, my aunts my uncles etc already are my aunts and uncles.
They already have titles and roles.
Where as having my parents friends meant I GAINED aunts and uncles.
It really did build a support, build another part of my family.
And it makes more sense to me the older I’m getting.
The tethers thing really does resonate with me.
And seriously makes me think for the future and If/when I have children and have them christened, would I WANT siblings to be godparents? i’d need a conversation with my partner obviously, but i think I would lean towards more not. They already have titles and a role.
But again, it really did make me think about what getting christened itself actually means and what being a godparent means. Which is something I want to talk about next time.
Thats it for tonight as my eyes hurt and my fingers are achey.