good morning beautiful.
5 years ago today you grew your wings.
my beautiful bestfriend.
how is it 5 Years.
its 5 YEARS yet somehow it feels like 5 minutes. and sometimes it feels like 5 seconds.
i dont know what it is with this year.
whether its that there have been a lot of milestone moments like me moving out, reaching 21, finally getting drunk “nat style” etc or what, but its been harder this year without you.
its like it hurts even more this year.
5 years seems like forever when written down. but its like ive blinked and 5 years have passed.
i know i do an essay of a post each year. but the thing is i write it because in the words of my team, writing is my version of crying. its my way of getting it out. and i write to You every day. which funnily enough was kind of what YOU told me to do. i think its become my way of grieving. maybe one day ill share them. but for now theyre just there. each starting with Dear Natalie. 5 years worth of dear natalies.
5 years without your laughter and your smile. but thankfully even after 5 years i still can hear it in my head. i can still hear you laughing. talking. singing. shouting. swearing and i can still hear you go “ FOR FUCKS SAKE DONT BE SO BLOODY AWKWARD ITS ME YOURE TALKING TO” 😂😂😂.
5 years without holding your hand and me coming out with something which really, could have resembled a beautifully worded quote about the world and could have gone down in history books as a beautiful quote and moment if you hadnt have laughed at me and said “what a load of bollocks. youre such an old lady. your body may be 16 but your hearts in its 30s your brains…. in the gutter, no i mean its in its 50s and your soul is 100. but thats ok because i love you and your my lanaloo. even though your strange. and you need to live a little and stop talking all physical wiggle ical”. (she meant philosophical, yes im aware i spelt that wrong).
its 5 years since that day when you were telling me about whats in Woowoos, and when i called it a woot toot you laughed and said what the fuck was that, french?
5 years since we last said see you later.
and even now 5 years on i still go to text you each morning. “good morning beautiful.”
i know all the people in my life that grew their wings, especially this year are with you. and hugging you for me. and probably helping you to wreck the joint. partying. dancing. drinking. and I REALLY hope youve got to meet patrick swayzee. because i re read that the other day and now my not so innocent brain finally realised what you said 😂😂😂.
i hope youre proud of me, ive ACTUALLY been drunk a few times this year like you tried to convince me to because “its good for your soul and itll be funny for me”.
im keeping all the promises. and im starting to do stuff from the list.
ill try and stop being a silly fucker for the rest of today and i think i need to stop typing now so ill end this one with.
i miss you.
thank you. for everything. but mainly being my bestfriend even in the short time we had.
i love you forever and for always, more and most (and i would do anything to hear you say “NO. I LOVE YOU MORE AND MOST THANK YOU VERY MUCH.” one last time)
see you later NatNat. i should probably try and get some sleep. going to your lock later.
goodnight sleep tight