The main part of this post isn’t actually written by me and its one of the strangest things that will be posted on this blog.
A good friend of mine – Faith – Passed away on the 24th Feb. She was 23. This is a letter she wrote for me for when the time came. It’s in this letter – but basically she asked me to put this on here.
She was one of a kind. I wish more people knew the faith I knew. She wasnt a very open person BUT when she let you in, there was no going back, and her character was a big one.
Faithy thank you for the almost 3 years of friendship. Wish you didn’t have to leave. I’ll miss you and Love you always shrimpy xxx
So, on to the letter that my faith wrote for me.
An extra letter for my extra special girl.
From the moment you walked straight in to the closed glass door thinking it would open and made a tit of yourself I knew we would be friends for a very long time.
Lets be honest I didn’t have other friends outside our small circle and you were the only one I knew in real life. I was lonely but you made a difference and ill always be thankful for that.
we both know what it means if you’re reading this. I’m gone. I’ve gone up to the sky to the paradise that is Eden.
Now, down to business I’ve left you Mrs foggins. Keep her safe and loved and pass her on to someone else one day.
don’t mope around after me.
Life is an adventure kid, go out and live life.
Do all you can while you can.
You’re the mother of our group lets face it so i know you’ll make a wonderful mother, and whilst at the time of writing this you don’t have any kids, i hope im still here when you do have them so i can teach them all about how doors ACTUALLY WORK.
Dont let any one ever stop you from having children – we both know with our conditions itll be Interesting Having kids, but please don’t let it stop you. Any kid will be a million times blessed to have you as their parent. And of course will be very lucky to have their auntie faithy, because although I don’t get out much and im not very sociable i make a fabulous gluten-free dairy free cheesecake. And cherry fudge. I’ve left you the recipe for that too. It’s not dairy free though.
A long time ago you told me your fears and i told you mine. Thank you for trusting me and listening to me.
If ive not gone and completed my list of adventures, please do them for me. Theres only 5 of them and you know what they are.
promise me you’ll go for coffee with my mum and make sure she’s ok. (You have to say yes you promise as ill be able to haunt you now bitch)
Now at the time of this being written you havent started vlogging yet. fucking start it now if you still havent. No excuses.
You inspired me every day you should know that. You remained a sociable butterfly in all the shite and didn’t fall back in to the dark pit of your own brain. That takes balls so good on you.
I hope you find the right person for you. Be happy. And be YOU. You inspired me to be truthful about who I am.
You inspired me to come out in 2016. Without your support id never have done it you know.
Make sure you keep singing your heart out on buses even though you don’t have me to sing to down the phone. Sing to the camera instead. that’ll make for good vlogging entertainment just do not break the camera when chair dancing.
Remember That time in Costa when you fell off the chair, got stuck and I almost fell OUT of my wheelchair laughing? You pulled your joints out and made that poor coffee guy who came to help faint and smash out hot chocolates. At least we got free new ones (even though it really was your fault it happened)
Or what about the time you seized outside of new look and my mum reassured the passersby that you were fine it just happens to you.
Or the time you kept clucking like a chicken instead of saying “Collyers College”. You thought you were saying it right yet all that came out was “cluck cluck cluck cluck”. My Mum thought you were having some sort of stroke.
I wont ever forget the time I was having a dark day so you face timed me, i was miserable as sin, you were on a bus, so you sang “WHY WHY WHYYYY DELILAH” whilst on the bus facetiming me and that old man joined in and you got louder; and then when you finished the song the old lady said “finally the racket stops i thought the windows would shatter” it was first time i had laughed in days.
Sex bomb sex bomb plays in my head every time I put something in the bin and again that is your fault.
Since meeting you I can’t eat a milky bar without laughing I shan’t put why in this though in case my mother reads it. I had to add it though.
Dont ever call my future nieces and or nephews Anything stupid by the way. Although if you have them soon hopefully ive stopped you from chosing a stupid sounding name. Remember my rules a rock star, a pm, a teacher, a doctor, an artist and a cleaner.
I hope ive got to meet your future children. I hope ive met the person you want to marry. I hope ive given them a death threat. mess with my beans you mess with me you get me.
I wonder if you convinced me to watch a holbycity episode. If you did – well done. But i probably just watched it to shut you up about it all and bloody bernie and serena whoever they are.
I hope you read fifty shades. And watch all the films. I actually hope you watched them with me. Not in a sordid way but because you would be funny to watch it with. And I think you’d like the books.
You are Anal a Pussy after all. (Sorry I had to)
According to that physio that time you were Alandyard Pusswee . And I Fate Fight MacKraynut. Knob.
My wish for you is that you Never let your conditions dictate.
Never let it stop you.
I hope you stick to your promise about what youll eat and do on my birthday each year – don’t eat it or spend it alone though.
Send a green balloon up for me once in a while will you?
Dont forget you have to write your book. And add in a sex chapter. Itll make people laugh. Its hilarious the shit that’s gone on with you. Besides itll be so relatable for people like us edsers.
I have a list of tunes that you must listen to when you miss me. I’ve organised the site to email them to you when they’ve been told ive popped it.
I hope i managed to go to at least one of your big parties. If i havent im sorry. I hope i met your family and friends at least. I hope i didn’t chicken out. Its harder for me to meet people it’s so scary.
I’m glad you are reading this because although im not glad ive left you all, I am glad ive left you first. It would’ve been harder the other way around. You have an army behind you, i have you, the group, my parents and my 3 godparents. And although you give me the strength of an army, and your strength could carry me through anything i don’t think i could cope losing you or the other zebras in our group. It was hard losing Choochie but it would be harder to lose any one else.
A last request. I’ve asked mum to shut my Facebook a week after my departure but I need you to put this letter on your blog. Including the bits that make you look stupid. No edits. Just type it all up. Keep the goodbye letter private, Put this one out there. Give the world a thing to read from me, I want them to read it. I want them to hear the things about you that you would never boast about. I want them to hear about my lans. My beanie girl. Again you can’t not carry out my wishes – im dead ill haunt you.
#post it for the blog
You gave me happiness back and a sense of humour. I’ll always be grateful for that. Thank your for our friendship. Thank you for bringing the sunshine to my days.
It’s never goodbye. It’s just a temp thing.
Never ever give up or give in. Keep breathing keep fighting keep laughing and live.
Love you beanie
Faith Your Shrimpy / Fay /Faithy/ royal arsehole / TomJones/ TopCat. Xxx
For any of Lans Future children aka my future nieces and nephews I don’t know if im still around to meet you. I don’t know how old you are when this is being read to you.
You may have never met me.
But I know you’ll know about me.
Now at the time of writing this you don’t exist.
But let me tell you something.
When your mummy does decide to create life in her rather strange body, you will be very lucky to have her as your mummy. Shes younger than me, but she’s like the mother of our little group. And she makes us laugh when we are sad and hugs us when we are down and makes us smile. She takes care of us. No matter what state her health is in she will be the best mummy to you, and will always make sure you want for nothing and that you have everything because that is what she is like. You should know that your auntie faith loves you.
I hope I did meet you but if I didn’t look to the clouds and ill be there.
Love auntie faithy.
Ps I hope your mother didn’t give you stupid names. If she did feel free to poop in her shoes. Or better still piss in her hats. Then tell her auntie faith said that’s the price to pay for stupid names.